


Happy Birthday Gerard

by PagebyPaige



Series: Happy Birthday! [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff with Angst, Gerard is 40, Happy Birthday Gerard!, M/M, Post MCR, angst with fluff, birthday fic, present day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 23:15:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10581510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PagebyPaige/pseuds/PagebyPaige
Summary: Gerard is 40 and that's a big fucking deal to Frank - big enough to make him do something drastic.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deadly_Sirius](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadly_Sirius/gifts).
  * Inspired by [My Love's Birthday](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6509833) by [kany_jones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kany_jones/pseuds/kany_jones). 



> **read the sequel[here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12563780)**  
>     
> Happy Birthday Gerard!
> 
> thank you to my beta @CloseTheGoddamnDoorSWAT that long ass email thread is the reason this fic is actually good

April 9th, 2017. It has been circled on Frank's calendar ever since he bought one. He bought the tickets around the same time, months before he needed to. He has three days in LA, and seats in the roiling pit of the crowd. He has glasses and a hoodie, even gloves to cover up his identifying knuckle tattoos. He is ready, and he's going like a fan. _This is going to be the surprise of his life,_ Frank thinks. 

This has to be Frank's millionth plane ride to a show, but he's still jittery. This isn't even his show, but it isn't just any show, either. He again reaches into his carry-on, checking to make sure it's there. He runs his hands over it, feeling the soft fabric. He feels the card he pinned to the back of it, and he almost cries again. He really hopes Gerard likes it. 

Frank can feel his emotions boiling up as he strokes the shirt in his bag. Gerard is 40. He's grown up so much since Frank first saw him at 25, barely alive and desperate for something to cling to, and at the same time Frank can still see the little 25-year-old in Gerard's face, the hope and the dreams paired with their real-life counterparts in his memory. Gerard has everything that 25-year-old ever wanted, and yet the only way he's really changed is that he's happier and healthier. 

Frank also kind of feels like he's slipping out of Gerard's life. That 25-year-old let Frank into his band because they needed an extra guy, but now Gerard could have as many extra guys as he wanted. Frank's first _real_  crush was on that 25-year-old, who by the time he hit 27 loved him back.

By 30 he was married and still they stayed in love.

By 32 he had a daughter and still kissed Frank just as passionately, still told him he loved him when no one was listening to them, or when thousands were. 

All it took, apparently, for him to fall out of love with Frank was 36. Frank knows Gerard's mental state wasn't the best then, so it was better for him not to deal with the emotional stress of having a family and loving Frank, but that doesn't make it any easier for Frank. He stubbornly, selfishly believes that Gerard still harbors some feelings for him deep inside and he's desperate to feel that again. Even Jamia has never made him feel quite like Gerard did, and Frank is willing to risk their friendship to prove himself right. 

Frank reads the card over and over again, thinking about what he's about to do. He feels so awful about it but he can't stand not doing it either. Frank pulls the army green button down that Gerard repeatedly stole from him out of his bag. After Gerard announced the breakup and by extension _their_ breakup Frank had stolen it back, telling himself it was because it was his and he needed it back if they weren't going to be practically living together anymore, and definitely not because it smelled like Gerard. Frank pulls it out of his bag now, buries his face in the scent of Gerard and cries on a plane on his way to see the now 40-year-old be successful without him. 

\---

When Frank gets to his hotel room he doesn't even bother to unpack fully. He grabs the hat, sunglasses, and gloves, for once not caring how hot it is in April in California. He gets to the venue way too early and enters with the first crowd. He makes it to his seat with obstructions and sits quietly, checking his phone. On impulse, Frank tweets a 'Happy Birthday' at Gerard and shuts his phone off, not wanting to see the thousands of retweets from fans saying exactly what he's thinking.

When Frank makes it through the opening act without shitting himself he feels like he deserves a medal. He and Gerard haven't even seen each other in person since 2014 and they only really talk occasionally (the group chat doesn't really count) on the phone. He's practically vibrating with nerves plus the added bonus of there being a chance someone recognizing him and ruining the surprise, resulting him getting completely mobbed. Of course, this is the one show where practically everyone in the room would know who he is. 

When Gerard goes on, Frank actually cries. Just hearing Gerard sing again, live, gives him flashbacks to heated kisses under the eager eye of an audience, rushed and sloppy and fumbling because of the adrenaline haze of being on stage. Frank wishes he was up there beside his best friend, shredding and jumping and injuring people and _touching him_. Frank just stands, half-sobbing the words to songs that he definitely hasn't cried over before. A girl with lavender hair and a 2001-infinity tattoo pats his arm gently and then goes back to singing along. By Gerard's last song Frank has dried his tears but his hands and voice still shake as he slowly composes himself.

By the time Frank has gotten himself together most of the crowd has emptied out and he can easily make his way up towards the front in the direction of the dressing rooms. Dressing rooms that he has stayed in, since this is a venue that MCR played. When he reaches the barrier security moves to block him when he takes a risk and removes the sunglasses. One of the guys was on the MCR crew during Black Parade and gives him a curt nod. Frank replaces his glasses to be safe and heads back into the depths of backstage. 

Frank follows the tunnel, removing hat and glasses and gloves as he goes. He sees some familiar faces and puts a finger to his lips when their jaws drop. They nod overenthusiastically back and Frank continues on, his determined step shaky. He carries the shirt neatly folded under his arm, the card stock of the note tucked inside it poking his arm with every step. 

His guess is as good as anyone's which dressing room Gerard is in, but he takes a shot and knocks on the one he and they guys were in years before. When Gerard opens the door sweaty and ruffled, Frank almost cries again. Both of them sputter awkwardly in the doorway, equally shocked and feeling too many emotions at seeing each other. Gerard eventually steps aside, allowing Frank to come inside. He gently closes the door behind them and Gerard falls back onto a couch. Frank stands awkwardly in front of it, all of the sudden unsure of what to even say. 

"Um," Frank breaks the silence and somehow manages to make things even more awkward. "Happy Birthday?" Frank looks at the floor. _Maybe this wasn't such a good idea._ When he looks up again, Gerard is smiling. He's grinning that happy little smile that usually only really special people get to see; the one with his tiny little teeth poking out and even his eyes turning up at the corners.

"You came all the way out to LA, bought tickets to my show, and stalked me in my dressing room just to tell me happy birthday?!" Gerard is incredulous, but still grinning. "You ridiculous bastard." He giggles a little bit and stands up, the ice having been broken. They're almost as easy together as they used to be, even after three or four years apart. 

Frank can't help himself. He drops everything he's holding and walks over to the still-smiling Gerard, hugging him tightly. As soon as they touch, Frank is overwhelmed by just _Gerard._ Frank lays his head on Gerard's shoulder and feels all of his muscles relax. Any previous apprehension he had about coming is erased just by being in Gerard's hold. Too soon, Frank feels Gerard gingerly peeling them apart. He backs off reluctantly, almost tripping over the clothes he dropped. As he struggles to remain standing, Frank follows Gerard's eyes to the mound of stuff on the floor. On top of it is the still mostly folded green shirt. Gerard raises his eyebrows at him and it's pretty much now or never.

Frank picks up the shirt and smooths it gently, subtly checking to make sure the note is still there. He holds it out to Gerard.

"Happy Birthday, Gerard." Frank tries to keep a straight face, which involves biting the inside of his cheek to keep from bursting into sobs. He hopes Gerard knows what this means, but isn't sure if it would really be worse if Gerard had forgotten. Soon enough, the recognition flashes in Gerard's eyes and then a frenzy of emotions, some of which Frank can't even name, flash across his face as he stares down at the shirt that has been transferred to his waiting hands. 

"Frank, I can't take this." He looks up, avoiding Frank's eyes. "It's yours."

Frank feels a spark of anger course through his body. _You took things from me all the time, including this shirt._ Frank doesn't realize until he sees the look on Gerard's face that his retort wasn't entirely in his head. 

Gerard puts his head in his hands, nearly smothering himself with the shirt. His voice develops an edge that cuts though the shirt that muffles him when he says, "That was different." Frank can feel his face fall.

"S-sorry I shouldn't have-" Gerard lets his arms, and the shirt, fall to his sides.

"Frank, you have to realize that things are different now! We're both married and we have kids and here we are acting like a high school couple!" If Frank's going to go all the way back home now and be miserable, at least he's going to go out with a bang.

"I just miss you, okay? I'm not happy. We're looking into divorce papers; we've already worked out what to do with the kids. I never see you anymore, and the best parts of my life had you in them. My life isn't going the way I want it to, okay Gerard?"

"You know Frank, I'm not here just because your life isn't-"

"Do you love her?" Frank has to force the words out. Everything seems to be pressing down on him, willing him to just give up. 

"Of course I... this is stupid!" Gerard's face gets a little redder. "My ex boyfriend should not be standing here asking me if I love my wife!"

"Then finish that sentence," Frank challenges.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because that's ridiculous."

"Well if it's so ridiculous, why can't you say it?"

"Because... I..." Gerard fumbles for words.

"You're not happy either, are you?" Frank's every word is a dare, his voice getting stronger as he spins his pain into anger. "Are you?" Frank is seething at this point, all of his pent-up feelings for Gerard coming out as one huge wave of anger. "Goddamnit Gerard, are you fucking happy with her or not!?"

Gerard buries his face in the shirt again.

"I'm not dmfnit!" Gerard mumbles into the shirt, and it sounds suspiciously like "I'm not, damnit!" Which is, of course, exactly what Frank wants to hear. Frank listens closer, hoping to hear better and make sure Gerard said what it sounded like he did. He hears sobs instead, increasing rapidly in volume until Gerard is flat out crying into Frank's shirt. Just like Frank did hours earlier. 

Tentatively, Frank walks over and puts his hand on Gerard's back. Gerard shakes him off. 

"Leave me alone," he says into the shirt. 

"I'll go. Whatever. Just read the card." Gerard kind of snort-groans but lifts his head, revealing puffy eyes and tears wetting his cheeks. Frank feels his heart break a little more at the sight. Reluctantly, Gerard fishes around in the shirt, finding the card pinned to the inside of it mostly legible. As soon as he reads the first line, Gerard says exactly what Frank wants him to.

"Frank, wait." So Frank does. As he waits in silence, he feels the wave of anger ebb into love for the man in front of him as he stands silently and thinks about the words he so meticulously copied onto that little piece of card stock.

_"I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets /_

_I'm trying, I'm trying, /_

_to let you know just how much you mean to me /_

_and after all the things we put each other through /_

_and I feel like there's nothing left to do /_

_but prove myself to you /_

_but this time, I mean it /_

_I'll let you know just how much you mean"_

_-Demoliton Lovers, but you know that. You wrote it, after all. I pulled lines from ~~your~~_ _our song because I figured then you'd understand that this is how I feel about you. Still. Damn it, I love you Gerard. I just wanted you to know that. I know I probably just ruined it, but Happy Birthday Gerard! I hope 40 treats you well. I really do. xofrnk_

Gerard stares at the card in his hands, turning it over and over. 

"This is...-"

"Yep."

"And you really..."

"Yep."

They stand there, the silence thick and tense.

"Well if you don't have anything else to say, I'm going to get going..."

"Frank, wait."

"What?"

"I'm just.. trying to figure this out."

"What is there to figure out? Do you want to be with me or not?"

"Frank... I just need some time. Okay? Frankie, I love you. I do. It's just, I've been trying so hard to forget us that having it back is... complicated." Frank takes a second to breathe, partly to keep his anger at bay and partly to keep from running over and kissing Gerard's face off.

"I'll wait for you, Gerard. I'll always wait for you." Frank feels himself stumbling forward, half falling into Gerard's arms. Gerard drops shirt and card in favor of holding Frank.

"Then I guess we'll have to figure something out." Is whispered into Frank's hair.

"Yes, I we will." Is said through a grin into Gerard's shirt.

"I love you, Frankie." Frank can feel himself melting both at the words and the nickname.

"I love you, too. And we're gonna get through this, okay? No matter how long it takes." Frank feels Gerard nod against the top of his head and they quickly untangle themselves when there's a knock at the door. Frank folds his arms awkwardly as Gerard opens the door. 

"Oh, hi Lindsey."

 

**Author's Note:**

> As I always say, I don't hate lynz and Jamia I just do what's necessary for the fic (they're great badass women who have totally inspired me and their husbands love them)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated and they really mean a lot! (Read: help me get better by telling me what you want me to do)


End file.
